i can't cope

Okay, maybe I shouldn't have asked him where he went. I think he knew I was going to react this way.

But good god, that's exactly why I don't want him to go. He's one of the only people to have ever understood me this much and I can't afford to lose that. He's so special and perfect and attractive and sweet and adorable and funny and honestly, I can't cope.

I don't want him to leave because I know that I'm a dumb little shit. There will be new kids next year, and among those new kids will be someone, some guy that I find appealing.
See, I can't not live without support. Hugs, words that make me feel adequate; pretty. Word that make me feel like I'm enough. That I'm worth it.
I will fall.

Even if I do manage to control myself, what if there are girls at his new school that can't? What if they catch his eye? What if he starts to like one of them? What if I do?

What if I don't, and what if all I want to do, every single day, is just to go home, lie in bed and die?
What if he doesn't come online all the time? What if we stop talking? What if everything because awkward and weird and bad and what if it doesn't work?

i'd love to say that all my worrying is ironic
but
honestly
i
can't
cope

It needs to be temporary. Because if he's going to be gone for good, I will cry until there's nothing left of me.